Monthly Archives: January 2012

The Right Message at the Right Time

“I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.” Andy Rooneyism

A good friend sent me this and I think it really goes to so much of what I have written about and feel.

Here’s the gist: A person in pain (and we all are sometimes in pain deep within, some of us more than others; and difficult people are in pain, too — it helps to keep that in mind!) doesn’t need good advice, logic, a stiff upper lip, your intelligence, a calculated response —

He needs caring

He needs understanding that reflects that you DO understand the pain he is in (he is not asking you to agree with him; just to understand that his pain makes him see the world slightly differently than you do, and so on)

He needs support (support in the sense that you care; you don’t have to buy into someone’s pain to offer support, you have to help them get through the rough spaces).

He needs to know that he can talk with you about anything and not be judged or analyzed — talking is about sharing who you are and listening is about accepting who someone is even if you do disagree with them and how they see things. (Hint: the compromising comes later — don’t analyze the sharing!)

He needs warm fuzzies, brownie sundaes, a hand to hold, and a tear to shed. Just like you do.

Does it cost so much to give?


Joe Koob

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